I have never cared about defining my sexuality. Bisexual, gay, lesbian, asexual, heterosexual- there are numerous terms that attempt to define every angle and aspect of a persons sexuality, but I don’t see attraction in terms of blacks and whites. Although typically my sexual experiences and relationships have revolved around men, I have never excluded, nor denied women.
I think, as a woman, I was made aware at a young age, of the sexual appeal I had towards men. Men who watched me in the mall, men who looked at me while I stood at the grocery store with my mother, men who turned in their cars as I jogged past them on the sidewalk. It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I began to slowly become aware of my own sexuality, and the sexual appeal I had both towards, and for women.
Sure, I had kissed my girlfriends in my youth. My early teenage memories included spin the bottle pecks I gave to girls, or subtle hand holding at the beach, or at the mall. In college I used to make out with my best friend if the boys got us drunk enough. We’d brush our lip glossed mouths against one another and let the boys go crazy. Ultimately it was girl girl action for the arousal of men, it was never for our own satisfaction.The first woman who ever hit on me, was a female bodybuilder. She was short, ripped, beautiful huge fake breasts and platinum hair. She sent me erotic messages, she flirted with me online and through cell phone texts. I was instantly attracted to her, to the commanding presence she had and the dominating control she possessed over her body and her sexuality. The cell phone photos she sent to me of her big pierced clit drove me crazy in a way I had not experienced at that point with a woman. She was beautiful, muscular, and erotic.
The first time I met her in person led to my first sexual experience with another woman. It was for my own arousal, for my own satisfaction, and for hers. No one else’s. Like any intimate moment between two people it was raw, spontaneous, real, erotic, and hot as hell.She pleased me the way I like to be pleased, without the complications of men who don’t know what to do or how to do it. I touched her breasts the way I like mine touched. I licked and sucked her clit the way I wanted her to hold my own clit in her mouth. We tangled muscular arms and thick thighs, soft mouths, and hard abs. It was incredible, and so different from any sex
I’d had before with any man.I think recognizing the sexual appeal in other women, is acknowledging the sexual appeal in yourself. When I see a woman’s physique that I find sexually arousing, I find I get aroused by my own body. The attributes that in other women that attract me, are attributes I recognize in myself. I like thick thighs in other women, and I have thick thighs as well. My own big clit gets wet at the site of other big clits. Although I like fake breasts, I find the appeal of tight, taut natural breasts, like my own, far more appealing.
Does this make me a lesbian? Bisexual? There are many who would label me so. I don’t deny either sex the ability to arouse and intrigue me, but I do recognize the eroticism present in being intimate with a woman over a man. Madonna said, “Women are sexy in a way men can never be. The nakedness of women is thrilling to the senses, no matter your gender.” I love sex with men, but there is something innately sexual in women, that I don’t see or sense within men. There is something phenomenal about being pleased sexually by someone who knows just what you want, because she has the same sexual desires as you. The feeling of having my clit licked by a beautiful woman is indescribable. The feeling of pleasing a beautiful woman is equally as amazing.My first sexual experience with a woman was incredible. My second experience, and more recent, was one of the most erotic experiences I’ve ever had. I am anxious for my third. My eyes are open for her. When I find her, I’ll know.